That is all I can say…
He satisfies the longing soul….
So I returned to the campus. And I continued my walk with God. It was brought to mind that I would have to get to know God. If I was going to seek Him first as Matthew 6:33 said. So I would read a chapter of Proverbs (my favourite book in the Bible) from my Scofield Study Bible in the morning and eventually one in the evening. I had to find out what God was saying for Himself.
And then woke up in the EARLY mornings (like 0300hrs) and I read Judges, Kings and Chronicles with the SDA Bible Commentary right next to me. The history I found was amazing. God opened up my mind. And it showed in my academic work too.
I also started reading the best book (besides the Bible) on the life of Jesus. “The Desire of Ages”. It made me envision the life of Christ as I never had. My fear that it would take me away from the Bible was dismissed once I realised that it never did contradict what the Bible said, in fact it made me want to read the gospels more. See Christ for myself.
All this seeking God showed itself in my life. I was more careful about what I watched. I had more time to actually do academics. I would make it on time for things. I would be able to keep my word. I would not get angry over pins dropping. I would not lie because I was not as afraid of people. I could tell the truth in love and leave the consequence with God. I knew that the future was not determined by bad luck or some universe turning against me (I had gotten mixed up in horoscopes, signs and tarots without fully realising it, -whole other story-).
Where before, I had a feeling that nobody would miss me if I just killed myself (which seriously crossed my mind) or if I just slept to never wake up. I now had a purpose to live.