*Man! this has a lot of parts*
God blessed and I got selected for a team for the Zain Africa Challenge….
I say blessed because I kept being told to try for it and I only listened when one of the Pastors actually called me to his office to say I should try for it. I wrote the exams, and passed. Went through try outs, and got selected. And going in as the under dogs Malawi Adventist University went up against the other Universities and made it into the finals in Uganda. We were going to travel!
It took a lot longer than it took for you to read that. It kept me out of a lot of trouble. And kept me thinking about what God wanted to do with us. What He wanted to do with me.
When we returned from the Zain Africa Challenge (not winners). I took some of the prize money to pay back my Mother and some of it for school fees. I decided to try my luck at asking out that girl I was interested in.
We were actually good friends. We had grown close enough. And she had poured God’s word into my life (mostly by introducing me to Audioverse).
And when I asked her out, she said “No.”
I tried again and she said something akin to.
“We are incompatible. You are not quite up to what I am. You are not quite there. You are not enough.”
I remember that night. I suppose I thought that if God could bless in the Challenge, maybe He would give me the girl.
I was crushed, broken. But instead of turning to porn (which I easily could have) or turning to video games… For some reason I just went to bed. And I awoke in the middle of the night. Not feeling whole at all, and faced with nobody but myself.
I prayed, something like this:
“LORD. I have had a bunch of excuses. I have blamed different people for my anger. For my stealing. For my lying. But at the end of the day, You see my heart. It is only going to be You and I at the end of the day. I am not there yet. I am shattered pieces. I am actually less than what she said I am. But if You will have me. Even as just a servant, then please take me. You say to seek You first and all the other things will be added to us. Even if I don’t get the other stuff, let me seek You first… If You will have me.”
And O, the peace that filled me. Not as a feeling immediately. But when I woke up the next morning. Life was different.
But not long after that, my older brother passed away….